Most people would rather not think about the way in which they’ll die. Many will hope that their passing will be peaceful, surrounded by their loved ones and that the transition from this life to the next will be painless. Some may even hope their last breath will be as a result of dying for a worthy cause.
I would rather die empty.

Unlike some, it has taken me a while (a while being many, many years) to establish the things I’m good at and the things I’m passionate about. I feel somewhat of a fraud for sharing that because I was always under the impression that my church upbringing would somehow instantly equate me to knowing what this life is all about and by now I’d be fulfilling that purpose confidently full steam ahead. But, in reality I’m only just beginning.

This is not to say that the previous years of my life have been an utter waste of time. But it’s recently hit me that understanding purpose and passions goes way beyond completing a degree, obtaining a career, marriage, kids and getting on the property ladder.

In the past, I would envy those who knew what their purpose was and were proudly walking it out. I’m also embarrassed to admit that I imitated what they did in the hope that some spark would be ignited from within that would provide some form of validation like ‘Yeah this is what I’ve been put on this earth to do’.

But that never happened.

I’ve sat through countless sermons, listened to podcasts, read books and even asked pastors in an attempt to find out what my purpose is and how all the pieces of the jigsaw are meant to fit together. I wanted those around me to tell me what I should be doing. I was expecting a big reveal -like waiting for a magician to pull the rabbit out his hat and say, ‘Ta-da!’

And although I would always find myself more a little more knowledgeable about ‘purpose’ than when I started searching, the big question still remained.

Can someone please tell me what I’m here for-beyond working a 9-5 job and paying taxes?

We’re all striving for lives of comfort where our bills are paid every month but still have money tucked away for a rainy day. But it’s a danger to assume that being a loyal and trustworthy citizen in this life is enough. I refuse to believe that I may be the only one who is seeking and believing there is something more to be accomplished than have a bank account permanently in the black?

Most people want a long life while here on earth and I have no qualms with that. But answer me this: what good is living to 100 years old and getting your birthday card from the Queen if you’ve never attempted to execute any of the dreams and passions within you?

If you don’t agree with what I’ve written so far, I won’t hold it against you. I understand there may be people out there who are content enough with where they are in this life and their achievements thus far. Who have no desire to dig a little deeper. But personally, I don’t want a half-baked, mediocre life that looks good on paper but is quickly forgotten about months down the line when the earth around the coffin has settled. I want a life poured out and I’m not ashamed to say it.

I want every ounce of me that holds some form of potential to be put to good use. In my mind I believe it is better I attempt these ideas and pursue my passions then leave them locked up inside of me. So excuse me if I’m coming across overzealous. I guess you could say that I’m making up for lost time.

‘So, what happens next?’ The truth is I can’t answer that. But what I do know is that you have to start where you are and use what you’ve got. And as I’m beginning to realise: when you realise what it is you’re called to do in this life you’ll cease to be jealous of anyone else because you become consumed with fulfilling your purpose until the very end.

That means that I can’t run your race and you can’t run mine.

Written by Ruth Baid // Follow Ruth on  Twitter

Ruth is a born and bred Essex girl and 100% proud of it - but she couldn't be any more far removed from the TOWIE stereotype if she tried. She hates injustice but loves cake. She is passionate about people and seeing the will of God fulfilled on earth.

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