BEFORE…
Probably not giving it enough of a chance. In fact, not even arrived yet and already I’m visibly snarling. If anyone calls me ‘Jesus’ princess’ or gives me a pink cupcake, I might actually start a riot.
Already written complaint email about the fluffy conference-branded slippers that came with advance purchase ticket – they weren’t fair trade – so not off to a good start.
DURING…
Already had to slightly eat my words. Some great stuff about empowering women to lead. Off-set a bit by one of the main speakers, a deeply impressive human rights campaigner and theologian being introduced as “sexy and beautiful”. Arghhh.
Conference attendees intimidatingly friendly. Women I don’t know staring into my eyes, saying things like: “You’re an amazing woman of God”. Disconcerting – but underneath scepticism, secretly enjoying it. Fears about over-familiar pet names not unfounded – role-play, in which Hollywood-type Jesus calls us – the women of the body – “sweetheart” and “beautiful”. Bizarre, but again, secretly I got quite into it.
Leading lady has a bit of a Sarah Palin vibe. Not the sketchy politics, thank goodness, more of a ‘bulldog in lipstick’, ‘could beast you in a bar fight without chipping her manicure’ type of thing. Bit of a hero, actually. She flips between stories of negotiations with African War-Lords and her on-going hunt for the perfect kitten heel.
Oh no. SP just told a room of 8,000 women she’s having a “chubby year” and needs to diet. She’s a size 10. Max. Disaster.
Thought stream interrupted by SP asking us to challenge ourselves about whether we are expectant and seeking Jesus this weekend.
I was scrawling a tally of the thigh-gap to non–thigh-gap ratio in the worship band (8:1, in case you were interested).
AFTER…
Armed with realisation I am being cynical and superior, I resolved to learn things rather than observe and journal sarcastic remarks. Teaching was flipping fantastic but ended with asking us to hug people we didn’t know and tell them they are “world-changers”. Was tempted to fake a loo trip to avoid it.
(Image: Walt Stoneburner)