This year I turned 21 and experienced what I like to call a ‘quarter-life-crisis’. I realised that at 21 it was too late for me to become a professional sportsperson (not that this was ever likely), that I was far too old to keep attending youth group and that I’d missed my chance to be a rebellious teenager. Determined to set this right (the rebellion thing) I returned to university ready to demonstrate my independence by doing something that my friends, family and church wouldn’t approve of.
![More...](http://thesacredsarcasticdivide.wordpress.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif?m=1207340914g)
Turns out that it’s pretty hard to rebel against grace-filled Christians. I tried it all: my nose piercing barely raised an eyebrow, I played Losing My Religion loudly, on repeat, for a whole day and no one commented. I even went to see arch-atheist Derren Brown on tour without a single reaction. My nearest and dearest weren’t making this rebellion thing easy by being so damn accepting! (my subtle yet obvious minor blasphemies were also completely ignored!) Then I stumbled across the thing that confused my caring charismatics the most: I became a Methodist.
![More...](http://thesacredsarcasticdivide.wordpress.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif?m=1207340914g)
I would like to say that I felt the Lord calling me to my local Methodist church, but truthfully this decision had a lot to do with just how local the church was: two whole minutes from my front door. Which was perfect as I do enjoy a good Sunday morning lie-in. I wasn’t counting on loving the worship so much.
![More...](http://thesacredsarcasticdivide.wordpress.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif?m=1207340914g)
No one understood why I wanted to trade 40 minutes of flowing songs for the full body workout (stand up, sing, sit down… repeat as necessary) of traditional worship. I felt the need to worship in a new way. Having grown up in the church ‘modern worship’ had become traditional to me. The five-piece worship band with guitars and clever riffs was pretty conventional as far as I was concerned. Organs and hymns were something new.
![More...](http://thesacredsarcasticdivide.wordpress.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif?m=1207340914g)
Once I got past the initial confusion, (What’s this book doing in my hands? What are those numbers on the wall?) I saw a real breakthrough in my personal worship. I was stripped of all the things I had relied upon as distractions; the songs, the emotion, the routine, the musical skill(!), even my mid-worship cup of coffee. All that was left was me and God. It wasn’t always comfortable but it was always good.
![More...](http://thesacredsarcasticdivide.wordpress.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif?m=1207340914g)
Worshipping in a setting where being expressive was inappropriate made me question things that I had accepted since childhood. Why did I lift my hands in worship? Was it for God’s benefit, my own benefit, or to encourage the worship leader? Did I judge other people’s engagement with the worship by the angle of their upper limbs? What does this all look like to people who haven’t grown up in the church?
![More...](http://thesacredsarcasticdivide.wordpress.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif?m=1207340914g)
I’m happy to say that, following my traditional worship experience, I have returned to the biblical practice of raising my hands in worship. Unless I’m feeling provocative, then I keep them down and watch my nearest and dearest try to look concerned but accepting!
![More...](http://thesacredsarcasticdivide.wordpress.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif?m=1207340914g)
I don’t believe that Methodist worship is more sacred or more sincere than charismatic worship (there’s a topic for another post!) I benefited from a traditional worship style as it was completely new to me. I would encourage anyone to try to worshipping in a new way.